Launching a new business is no joke! After 2 years of building, permitting, revamping, and struggle, we finally launched the pizza business the start of May. And then things got interesting! So often what we have in our minds is not what things end up being, and anytime you start something new, the reality is never quite what you thought it would be. So we’ve been doing a crash course on running a food business, and there are about a thousand things we hadn’t thought of! 

But during this same time frame I’ve been reading about two ancient kings of Israel: Saul and David. Saul was the first. David the most famous. I have wondered why I was reading about them along the way, because I have to say their story doesn’t seem very encouraging most of the time, and with launching this new business I was looking more for “With God all things are possible!” Which is true, but not what God thought I needed to hear.

If you read much theology or Bible commentary you’ll find that Saul is generally condemned as a King. He is said to have fallen away from God, made a mess of the kingship, and God was sorry he’d made Saul king. When David was young, actually before he was King, the Bible says God was choosing him because he was a man after God’s heart. But as I read their stories, I find myself sometimes at odds with the commentators. Saul was tall and strong. He seemed to have a genuine humility. And twice God’s Spirit so falls upon him that he is prophesying and speaking the words of God. Saul’s worst sin seems to be impatience, maybe mixed with a bit of anxious fear. He is afraid of the gathering enemy and of losing his men, so he sacrifices to God and asks for God’s help before Samuel the priest arrives. He actually pulls this stunt a couple times. Then he wipes out an enemy but doesn’t kill the king, which is all a pretty terrible story. It sounds like mercy, but it’s not. It’s more about how Saul sees the kingship. Samuel is mad and says it again shows he’s not trusting God, God seems to agree with him, removes his Spirit from Saul, and they move on to David, at which point Saul goes a little crazy trying to guard his kingdom and family. It’s a mess, but through it all he is actually faithful to his wife and children, as far as we know he never follows false gods or worships idols. He was loved by the people, and generally seemed to be a good king. When I look at the state of American politics, I think I’d vote for Saul over any of the options we seem to have at the moment.

Then we have David. He started well. He was courageous and trusted God, wrote lots of worship songs and poems. As a boy he chased lions and bears away from the sheep. He took out a giant warrior named Goliath. He became the captain of Saul’s bodyguard, and had success in most of what he did. He looked like everything you’d want a king to be. Then Saul got afraid, made some dumb choices, and started looking for ways to take out David. David went on the run, eventually the Philistines got Saul and his boys, and David became king. But during those running years some things started to show up. As Saul’s guard and champion David had married Saul’s daughter Michal. When he went on the run, he didn’t take her with him. But then he married a couple more women while running around the wilderness. Then he became king and married a bunch more women. Then with all those wives and kids running around it still wasn’t enough so he did a little spying on the wife of one of his best friends while she was bathing, got in a tither, and got her pregnant. Then he goes into cover up mode trying to hide it all away, eventually having his friend murdered and marrying the woman. From there things don’t get prettier. One of his sons rapes one of his daughters. David hears and does nothing. A different son kills the offending son. David kicks the son out of the country, eventually invited him back, and the son promptly tries to take over the kingdom. His family is a mess, and stays that way his whole life. He adds wife upon wife upon wife. He starts amassing power and counting soldiers. He looses death upon his own people. His generals pretty much do whatever they want. His kids are all vying for power.

The reality for me is when I look at the two men they’re both flawed, but it feels like Saul was actually the better father, husband, and king, and I find myself wondering why God rejected Saul, but not David, when David’s dirty laundry seems way stinkier than Saul’s. Which brings me back around to my little pizza business.

Perhaps Saul got too caught up in the business of running Israel. Perhaps he constantly struggled with fear because he kept forgetting it wasn’t his kingdom, it was God’s. After one of his sacrifice fiascos, Samuel is confronting him and says, “Obedience is better than sacrifice.” It seems Saul was using the practices of God worship to help him do his job. But David, with all his flaws, seems to often lose sight of the job of the king. And no matter what happens he seems to be able to always come back around to a humble repentance and committing of it all to the Lord. He knew he was called to be king, but it doesn’t seem like it was the most important thing for him.

I don’t actually have answers for these two kings. I have never been able to fully reconcile the choices of David and God’s support for him. I have often found hope that if he will stand by David in his choices, then there is hope for me as well! And I have always wondered why it seemed God cut ties so quickly with Saul, and it makes me consider that I think I live my life a lot like Saul - too focused on the business at hand, and sometimes forgetting the business is supposed to be a tool for the Kingdom Life God is calling us to live and share with others.

Either way I know this: The difference between them in the end is repentance. Saul wanted to make a sacrifice. David wanted to be with God. It’s the difference between saying your sorry, and really wanting to make things right.

There is a chasm between every person, including God. The bridges between us are what we call relationships. They are built on trust and caring and investing in another. When those bridges are broken by our choices, actions, and words, we feel the loss. A broken bridge is what God calls death. There’s no longer a way across. Both David and Saul made choices that broke their relationships with God and others.  Saul looked for what he could do to put it back together. David asked God to put it back together. I know theologians say all sin is the same. But to me it seems David’s sin was worse. But his repentance was real, his humility genuine, he acknowledged his sin, owned it, confessed it, declared a turning from it, and so it carried power and rebuilt the relationship. Saul just wanted the formula. David wanted to be with God. Saul wanted God to be with him, or at least wanted God’s power to be with him.

So as I am trying to not lose my life in this new business I am asking myself, “How am I chasing the heart of God?” Do I want God to bless my business, or do I want my business to bless God. Is God my “spare tire” rescuer, or does he get to drive the pizza truck? It’s the same heart question for all of us. Who is in charge of my life? Am I trying to be king, or am I following the one and only true King. We’re still living out this same story.

It’s still a tale of two kings!